For those of you who have been (or are interested in) following our family-building journey, and our struggles with infertility, I wanted to give you a heads-up that I just updated the blog page
Our Fertility Journey (found at the top of the blog). I just stream lined it a little, and added a key (at the bottom of the page) to explain the zillions of abbreviations that I use all the time. I hope that clears up any confusion, but if you still have questions, feel free to let me know by commenting on
this post. I'm happy to iron out any details, as needed.
For those not already in the know - most of you, I think - back before Christmas, Nick and I decided to take a break from trying to conceive our first child. We have been on this journey off and on (more on than off) for over three years now; it's time to step back. I am on birth control pills, and plan to remain on them until further notice. Nick and I still very much want to become parents, but after a lot of prayer we decided that the time has come to step back and focus on other things.
Nick and I are private people, in a lot of ways. I grew up in a family that was never really shy about private things, and it rubbed off on me in practicle ways, which is why we were so vocal about trying to get pregnant in the beginning (in other words, I was excited, and couldn't keep it to myself). When six months went by without a pregnancy, and then when I was diagnosed with poly-cystic ovarian syndrome and hypothyroidsim, I was devistated and validated at the same time, and shared the news with everyone. People weren't as supportive as I had hoped, mostly (I think) because no one knew what to say and there are a ton of myths about fertility floating around out there, and it just wasn't a good experience. Family was (and is) very supportive, for which we are eternally grateful, but over all, the experience of being open about our struggles with fertility has been a very frustrating one. But how do you "go private" about your fertility once everyone you know knows you want to have a baby, and that you can't? If it's possible, we haven't figured it out. It's probably way too late.
So here's the deal...
We want to have children. While we would absolutely love to have them biologically, we always knew we wanted to adopt at least once, and we really don't care if our children share our genetics or not. At this time in our life, we are not ready to pursue fertility treatements, or adoption, so we have gone on birth control, and are leaving it on a shelf for a while. I am taking this time to really concentrate on my health, my husband, and my relationship with God. I've written recently about
taking back my body (
here,
here,
here,
here,
here, and
here), and that is a big focus for me this year; I am determined that 2011 will be the year I conquer my demons, and really begin to live the life and in the joy that God has for me! We are about to embark on a major adventure, moving half way across the country to northern Illinois, and we are so excited to see what God does! You see, in a life where children are something you have to fight to have, this just isn't the time. After we move, Nick finds work, we find a home and settle in... After we get to know our new church family, enjoy having relatives close by, play a
ton with our neice and (soon to be) new nephew... After I have dropped a ridiculous amount of weight and stablized at a healthier place... Then,
then, we will talk about getting off the Pill, and trying again.
I will be twenty-five years old in less than two weeks - February 10th - and Nick will be twenty-six in July. At this point in our lives we want to revel in each other, in our funny little family (we love you, Butters!), and really delve into our relationships with God, and with His people. We have such a heart to serve God and others, and it is time for us to stop wasting tears on something that is clearly not in God's timing for us now, and focus on what it is He does have for us. It is time to live! And we are so excited to see what the future holds.
